I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
