Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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