Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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