i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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