We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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