shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
