He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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