i jhust puked up my retainher.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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