just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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