Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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