well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
