i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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