She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
