my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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