yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
