I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's official drugs can't kill me
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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