Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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