As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
