i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
