She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
