Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
