I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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