I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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