we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My vagina is very pro this idea
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
