This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
