He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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