Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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