Cold hands, warm shart.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
