Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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