that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
