I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
