I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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