i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
