Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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