Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
