she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
