I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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