i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
