I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
