I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
