Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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