Just cropdusted the office
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
