he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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