Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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