i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
