I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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