Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
