My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
