A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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