oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
