He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
