So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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