That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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