I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
