I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize