Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
