yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
