Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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