Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
