His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
